Compression and copy…

So i was installing Windows Vista on my computer and I noticed it said “Copying Files” followed by “Expanding files”

Now i know its nothing and for everyone who has installed Windows Vista its nothing, but i began to think about thos two statements in a very… odd way. Imagine you were a file on a CD, you lived in a compressed file structure, so imagine a bunch of people all next to each other in a very tight place, shoulder to shoulder. Thats how the files are arranged in a CD. Now when you are being “copied” you might feel like you’re about to be freed, let loos from your tight prison, but you’re not. What actually happens is that a copy of you gets freed from your compressed prison and you stay for as long as that CD stays intact, tramped in a compression chamber, never to experience what it is to be free.

Very freaky way of picturing once excistance…=P

The Void.

There are certain risks in falling for someone behind their back. Yes is possible fall in love with someone behind their back. If they don’t know you are falling and some people do, then its behind their back. I never though I would be the one to fall in this friendship, but I did. It started fine and I didn’t pay much attention to the unfolding of things, and before I knew it, I was already half way down into the bottomless pit.

Now, a certain distance has seem to emerge from her towards me, and I can’t help but feel affected by it. Coming to work seems to be going back to how it felt in the begining, tedious and boring. Again I’m working in a place where I can’t help but feel alone and out of place. Even with my friend working in the same building as me, it still doesn’t help. He and I don’t have the same relationship we once had, at least as far as pertaining to me. So everyday I come to work and I feel like I’m in this void inside a populated place, the only person I can interact with is me. I know I carry a good conversation, but when who I’m talking to is myself, it becomes boring quick.

She was the answer to my problem, in her I had someone to talk to who cared for what I had to say. She gave me a new level of meaning in this place, no longer was I here to just do the same thing over and over again, I had something to look forward to. All that, now, is gone and quite frankly I don’t think it’ll return. She has moved on, for her I’m back to buy “a guy from work,” nothing more to me just that. I think I understand though, she has her life already set, with kids, a house, two cars, and a slew of friends her age. Where do I fit? I’m still a college student and certainly don’t make even half of what she makes a week. Its enough for me yes, but she has other needs. Whatever gap I was filling in her life, it now seems to be closed and thus the need for me is no more. But you know, somehow I knee it would be like this, I’ve told my friend and my brother, I am here to help girls/women out, after I have done that for them I’m not needed anymore and I become the “in case” guy. In case they need someone to cry to about their current boyfriend or about how they wish they had more things to do because they feel bored at home, that’s who I become.

In a way I’m glad I have the “ability” to help them, I mean I do it with good intentions and always try to look out for them, and if in the way I get some sort of reward than that’s a bonus that I gladly take. The fact that I fell in love with her makes this so much harder than the first time around. Now I come to work and see her still, but she no longer is who she used to be. I get the indiferent looks and the mild chit chat just because she knows me and I work with her, but that’s it! That’s all I get…

This mostly my fault, I allowed this to happens, I allowed my self to fall for her. But why wouldn’t I? She is beautiful in every way. She is a caring person and wonderful mom. She is funny and pretty open minded, daring when she wants to be but for that side of her you have to know her =P She is simple and down to earth, she isn’t one of those girls that suffer from what I call “the cheerleader complex.” She is considerate and doesn’t ask for much. She is trully the perfect embodiment of Beauty. All that and so much more is what I love about her, but… I don’t think she’ll ever know.

Its her…

Controlling the fellings inside my heart,
Always seems like a hard task.
Something inside of me has been growing,
Every day I feel it more.
Yes its true, I am trully in love with you.

Timeless

With reiterateration of my peers and with the constant flame that burns within, I go through life aching for you. Yet another day goes by and nothing helps my beating heart detach it self from the notion of you. I only need to smell the air around you to send flying to another world. Your scent, sweet as a morning breeze on spring day over a field of the most exquisite flowers in the world, makes my every sense ignite with passion for you.

My dreams are of a place in time when you and I are together as one. Magestically united, our hearts beating as one, in an eternal chorous of an angelic song. These dreams are what I strive for and will make them come true, for my feelings know no boundaries, nor will my determination come to a halt. I’ll reach my goal you’ll see, and just hope that you want me too.

Our past will be enlightened, for our future will be bright. After love and much afection, only joy will fill your life. My love for you will never fail, just as time will never stop. Eternities will come and my spirit still intact will still love till the end of time. Of all this I’m sure, for I want nothing more, than to see you smiling forever more.

Us Two.

If I let my self go
and not think of anything,
would I still find you there?

If the ground beneath
my feet were to crumble
and swallow me whole,
would you still find me?
Would you care to?

The unknown can be sweet,
allows your mind to please your heart.
Factual events come with ease
and your life can flourish.

Let the clock keep ticking,
let the world keep turning,
let all that should, come to.

Without the unknown disturbed,
I’ll always find us two.

Sweet Dilemma.

Though I know I probably shouldn’t be following this path before me, its a tough decision to make. Weather I stay here or not is really irrelevant when I stop and think about it, for one, I already feel the way I do and even if I decide to pull out now, I will take this feeling with me. She has captivated me, truly and completely captivated me. The mornings start of with her in my thoughts just as my dreams begin with her dancing graciously across my subconscious dreams. At times when I feel the need to know of her during the day, I find that she too was about to get in touch with me. This all helps fuel my feeling for her even more, I know that I probably shouldn’t go on with this, but I cant help it, our life have already intertwined. Sweet, sweet dilemma, makes me feel like I have her yet I cant let her know how I feel about her.

And it still goes on…

I can’t stand it; this feeling is just revolting inside of me. My arms are aching and I have nothing to cease the pain. I don’t want this pain to stop, this pain which is brought forth by the absence of her within the grasp of my arms. How I long for one day to have her in my arms and hold her tight, have our hearts synchronize as one. Majestic unison of the language of two different souls, one voice, one mutual feeling, each other. Having her close to me, her head on my shoulder, her hair closer to my face, her neck showing ever so slightly amidst the strands of her golden hair. I would dare to dive and approach her neck like a predator about to devour it’s pray. But subtle and gentle I would be, with the same precision, and finally be close enough for me to breath her scent. I would reach a state mental and physical of utter awe. The world around us would crumble into star dust and our bodies would feel weightless across an ocean of jealous stars that look upon her beauty and can’t help but wish that they too could be as beautiful as her. Ah but what a celestial arrangement her being is, perfect to the most hard to find detail.

Hardship

Yet another day has gone by where I have been forced to suppress my feelings inside. I don’t know if this is the way it should be or if I should just let her know, but I don’t want to cause any problems. What if I push her away? I couldn’t live with my self if such a thing were to happen. I see her five out of seven days of the week. The weekend its short but it helps my passion for her rise. Its as if the days when I don’t see her I miss her and by that I re enforce my feelings for her. Hard to explain to you with words but its so easy to understand if you have ever been here in my situation. Ah what a bitter sweet life I lead, the woman with whom I have started to fall in love with, is withing my reach and maybe easily attainable but yet she feels so forbidden. Maybe that’s what makes me feel like I do for her, the fact that I know I can’t get to her, though I’ve had her before. Ah what a blessing that was, that was the first time in my life where I could say dreams come true. Fine you can rightfully say that the kind of dream where lust is involved shouldn’t really count given that feelings are not usually linked with them, but for me they were. It was a very faint feeling I’ll be honest, but when me and her were alone and our bodies intertwined, it felt as if it were always like that. Her body full of splendor, her skin softer than any fabric known to man, her scent sweet and engrossingly attractive complement her beautiful honey colored eyes. Her eyes are so modest and kind, both holding a power that so easily reaches down to my heart, they grab and hold me for as long as I can keep their image in my mind. After, when her eyes become another one of my memories in my brain, I feel the need to see her. Its as if it were a drug for a life time junkie and the moment it goes away I go into withdrawal. Not violent like a normal junkie, but you would find me staring up at the sky looking for a pair of stars that might resemble the splendor in her eyes. So now I continue to sit, thinking about her, so very close and yet never in my arms. The words start to run thin as feeling surpass the simple metaphor of the human tongue.

Loneliness

To stand in this world alone takes courage, courage that not everyone has. The simple task of being alone is a big burden to carry. You will have to submit yourself to solitude and come to terms with the one thing you can’t hide from, yourself. The hardest thing to accept is not what other people might say about you, but what you will think of yourself. That is the one thing that will always be true, not the type of self evaluation that you say aloud and share with other, but the things that your heart tells you about you and that your self conscience will only agree upon, those observations are the ones that sting.

Reality

Reality can change depending on where you look at it from. Think of reality as an object with many sides, and of an enormous magnitude. Its an object that can’t be seen in its entirety from any point, no matter where you stand, you will never be able to see all of it at once. To be able to comprehend what reality could really be, you need to know more, its a case of “the more you know, the more you see,” only then you begin to grasp a part of what reality could really be. A simple example is when you look at a rubber ball. As a child you only see it as an object that can roll and bounce around, that is the entire concept you have of what a ball is. As you grow older and start finding out what things make up the ball and why it actually bounces and rolls. You figure out that its made out of rubber and that rubber comes from petroleum and that petroleum is a natural resource. You also find out that the ball is able to bounce because it the energy you put into it as it hits the ground and the releases it by displacing it from the bottom part of the sphere to the one on top, giving it an impulse to jump up. Then you know that the energy that it uses it a combination of kinetic energy and potential energy. And finally you notice that the reason the ball starts to bounce less and less is due to the momentum of the ball slowing down. After all that you have reached a perception of the reality of the ball that it’s pretty complex. It is closer to the true reality of it but not 100% true just yet. After all this facts are know, if you so desire you can go deeper into the composition of the ball and analyze the quantum elements and behavior that the ball posses.
The same concept can be applied to interaction with other people. If you’re having a conversation with a person and then you come to a point of disagreement, you would fare much better if you took yourself out of context and look at your discussion from the third point of view and try to take notice of what both parties, you and your friend, feel towards the subject. Think of all the reasons why your friend my not agree with you think of what motive he or she might have to think that way and then do the same with you. Once an understanding of what each person feels and thinks has been reached, the reality of the topic at hand becomes clear. Now the topic is visible from two sides and there for your judgment will be more precise and fair to both. If more people start to join the topic of discussion you can start to see what the next party member thinks and knows about and you can then added it to you own understanding of the topic thus materializing a more complete version of the reality than both of your friends that are on topic with you.
Its not a must to try and figure out all that there might be to know about any one thing, but if you put some effort into acquiring more information and noticing different perspectives, you will be better equipped to either enter a debate or to see more and appreciate whatever you might come across.